Blame
by SarahMc
Summary: On the anniversary of Achika's birthday, Nobuyuki remembers his wife.


Blame  
By SarahMc - catwoman@merseymail.com  
Genre: introspective/angst (sort of)  
Rating: PG  
Continuity: OAV - including the Hasegawa novels  
Summary: on the anniversary of Achika's birthday, Nobuyuki remembers his wife  
Dedicated: to Sakuya of the Aeka Fan Club - possibly the biggest fan of Nobu-san that I know of ^_^  
Thanks: to LittlePriest for his helpful comments  
To Jen, of the AFC, for her millions of helpful bits of trivia (specifically those on Achika)  
  
It was her birthday. That was the last thing he wanted to think about.  
  
Retail therapy was, to Nobuyuki, a foolproof way to escape from   
reality, confusion and the recent influx of houseguests. There was that   
other little thing he wanted to get away from at the moment, but he   
didn't want to admit it to himself. Instead, he'd simply gone to a place   
where he'd found himself more and more at home lately.  
  
"Hey, Mr Masaki! We've got the latest edition of you-know-what in!"   
The man behind the counter winked and Nobuyuki cringed inwardly.   
He surreptitiously made his way to the small magazine rack along the   
back wall.  
  
He was relieved to see that there was only one other person standing   
there, and he was too engrossed in 'panty tentacle party' to notice   
him. Nobuyuki scanned the rows in search of his usual purchase.  
  
Issue 400 of 'super magic sexy babes'. He grabbed it and hurried away   
with his purchase. As he was leaving, Nobuyuki realised that he had   
every other issue of this particular comic book. He sighed, leaving the   
shop.  
  
He had a place at home prepared especially for this. It was to be the   
end of what little story there was to the manga. The final volume and   
he had every one.  
  
That was pathetic.  
  
They were his only source of comfort. That was pathetic too. As he   
walked home from the shop that it became clear to him he'd   
descended to a new low.  
  
The shop was close to the Masaki home so he didn't need to think   
about things too much until he got back.  
  
*  
  
Katsuhito was giving Tenchi his final warning, "you know this is going   
to be a difficult time for your father so when he comes back from his   
walk, I want you to be sensitive."  
  
The boy nodded, "he took a longer walk than usual this week, didn't he   
Grandpa?" Nobuyuki had never explained why he took such long   
'walks' and Tenchi had simply decided that his father was a soul in   
torment who needed long walks to philosophise. It was easier to cope   
with than the evidence to the contrary that simply stated that   
Nobuyuki was a raging pervert.  
  
At that moment, the door swung open and Nobuyuki entered.  
  
"Hi dad!" Tenchi smiled then averted his eyes. He was never sure how   
to behave on this particular day.  
  
Katsuhito, on the other hand, knew exactly what to do. "Nobuyuki, I   
know this is hard for you" he smiled reassuringly, "but we're all here if   
you want to talk."  
  
Tenchi nodded, "yeah, we're really sorry about this, Dad."  
  
Nobuyuki turned on Tenchi and glared at him, "you're sorry? You   
should be!" He stomped upstairs leaving his son looking rather   
confused.  
  
*  
  
Nobuyuki sat in his office staring at his collection. He had locked the   
door securely before getting out his four hundred comics. He often   
found that the best way to get away from things was to indulge in a   
little perversion. He picked up issue eighty-three; he hadn't read it for   
a while.  
  
He flicked idly through the magazine, trying to get to the 'good part'.   
When he reached it, he found that the good part wasn't quite as 'good'   
as he'd remembered it.  
  
Nobuyuki sighed and reached for another one at random. The picture   
on the front, showing a young man having 'fun' with five or six pretty   
girls put him off immediately. The last thing he wanted at the moment   
was a reminder of his personal life.   
  
He picked up a third comic and glanced at it. The image of a young girl   
with dark hair and an innocent, cheerful expression on her face smiled   
out at him. He tossed it to one side immediately. He'd never liked that   
one.  
  
Nobuyuki sighed, standing up and pacing the room. He did his best to   
avert his eyes from the calendar as he picked the comics up and   
started to replace them. For some reason he just wasn't in the mood   
for his usual indulgences.  
  
Perhaps he should try and get some work done. He sat at his word   
processor trying to work on his evaluation. His eyes kept flitting   
towards the small photograph he kept on his desk so he turned it so it   
was faced-down on the desk. He tried not to look at his wife's   
photograph as he did so.  
  
After typing three sentences he found himself unable to concentrate.   
He sighed once more. It was clear he wasn't going to get any work   
done, but he had no intention of going downstairs. Almost   
unconsciously, he lifted the picture up again.  
  
Seeing the image of Achika made something well up in his throat. He   
tried not to remind himself that she was gone, the fact that he could   
only see her through photographs now was painful enough.  
  
'Thank god I took this photo' he thought. It was clear from the picture   
that she was incredibly happy. She wore a light summer dress and her   
hair was scooped back in a loose ponytail. Her expression was radiant.   
This was Achika as he always wanted to remember her. A perfect   
moment captured on film.  
  
For a moment, emotion overwhelmed Nobuyuki and he had to look   
away from the picture. To see his past starring back at him was   
beautiful and painful at once. He closed his eyes briefly, then   
wondered why he'd done it.  
  
A knock on the door.  
  
"Dad?" quietly at first, then louder, "Dad? Are you there?"  
  
Instinctively, Nobuyuki wiped his eyes and then wondered why he'd   
felt the need to do so. "Yes? Is there something you want?"  
  
"Dad, could I come in?"  
  
He considered this for a moment, then slowly got up and unlocked the   
door to his study. He opened it to see Tenchi looking up at him.  
  
Tenchi was taken aback by the sight of his father in such a state.   
Nobuyuki had removed his glasses, his eyes were red and his face was   
slightly flushed. His expression was a mixture of grief and frustration.  
  
Nobuyuki felt a sudden pang of embarrassment at being seen like this.   
He wished he hadn't opened the door. "What do you want?"  
  
"Dad, I know you're upset about Mum but... if you want to talk about   
it or anything..." Tenchi trailed off, wondering where to go from here.  
  
"Don't you think you've done enough?" Nobuyuki snapped.  
  
"What HAVE I done? You've been mad at me all day and you won't tell   
me why." For a moment, Nobuyuki wondered if he really ought to tell   
Tenchi why he was so angry with him.  
  
There was a pause.  
  
"Nothing, Tenchi" Nobuyuki bowed his head, "I'm just in a bad mood   
today."  
  
Tenchi looked at him suspiciously, "really, dad. I want to know what's   
wrong."  
  
The quizzical expression on Tenchi's face irritated him. Suddenly he   
was acutely aware of Tenchi's similarity to his mother. He wished the   
boy didn't look so much like her. It was just another painful reminder.  
  
He really shouldn't tell him. He didn't need to tell him. Tenchi was   
looking at him again; that stupid, dim-witted stare that he'd probably   
inherited from Nobuyuki. It made him want to hit him.   
  
"Nothing, Tenchi. Just go away."  
  
Go away. Please go away before I do something I'll regret. He shuddered at the thought of telling Tenchi the truth.  
  
"But dad-"  
  
"Just go!"  
  
Tenchi jumped. His father didn't yell at him often and his reserved nature wasn't used to dealing with it. He scurried downstairs.  
  
Nobuyuki watched him, then went into his study and wept.  
  
*  
  
"Grandpa?" Katsuhito was unsurprised to be disturbed from his meditation.  
  
"Yes, Tenchi?"  
  
"Grandpa, what's wrong with Dad? I think he's hiding something from me. Do you know why he's so mad?"  
  
Katsuhito stared at Tenchi, trying to judge what to tell the boy.  
  
Tenchi continued, "I know it was my mum's birthday today but he's angry at me."  
  
"Well, maybe he just thinks you're bothering him. I wouldn't worry about it." Katsuhito was wary. He wasn't sure how much to reveal. Tenchi seemed to pick up on this because he immediately glared at him.  
  
"You know what it is, don't you? You know what he's upset about and you won't tell me! Grandpa, I need to know!"  
  
"Really, Tenchi, I don't think it's a very good idea to-"  
  
"Just tell me, grandpa" Tenchi pressed, "how else can I find out?"  
  
Katsuhito sighed. He shouldn't have to tell Tenchi this. Why didn't Nobuyuki just do his own dirty work? He looked down at his feet and told Tenchi the truth.  
  
"You killed your mother," he whispered, watching with crushing guilt as Tenchi's face crumbled in horror. "When you were very young and she was very weak you   
generated the light hawk wings and you couldn't control them. That's   
how she died."  
  
Tenchi simply stood there staring at him, his eyes wide in shock and   
disbelief.  
  
"No..."  
  
"Yes" Katsuhito looked away, he didn't want to see Tenchi's reaction, "when your father found you both, you were sitting on the floor and she was dead. I told him what must have happened. I'm sure your father doesn't blame you, Tenchi. He's just very upset right now."   
  
Tenchi simply stood there, staring at his grandfather. It certainly made a lot more sense now.  
  
*  
  
It hadn't helped.  
  
He wondered for a second if he should have told Tenchi. Instead he banished the idea from his mind. He could never forgive himself for doing something like that. But right now, he almost felt it really was Tenchi's fault.  
  
He sat in his easy chair, staring at the photograph. Just looking at the   
picture made him feel worse. Her gentle smile seemed almost   
accusing. She would never have blamed Tenchi for what had   
happened. He didn't blame him for it. So why was he so angry with his son?  
  
Another knock on the door. This one softer, gentle yet nervous.  
  
He didn't want to answer it. Right now he didn't want to admit that he was alive.  
  
"Mr Masaki? Could I speak to you please?"  
  
It was Aeka. Somehow the princess' voice was commanding and pleading at once. It took some effort for him not to move.  
  
"Mr Masaki? Please may I speak to you?"  
  
Nobuyuki sighed and let her in. Aeka didn't say a word, she simply sat   
on the chair opposite Nobuyuki's and looked at him across the desk.  
  
"What do you want? And if it's about my wife you can just get out now   
because I'm not interested."  
  
"Mr Masaki, I was just wondering what's wrong with Tenchi. You've both been very quiet all day. I was wondering if you might know why."   
  
Nobuyuki looked at the princess for a second, perhaps because of her   
relation to Achika she reminded him of his wife. Her smile, like his   
wife's, invited confidence but didn't demand it.  
  
"Princess Aeka" he began slowly, "did you know I was married?"  
  
She thought for a second, "I think Tenchi might have mentioned it   
once. I don't know much about it."  
  
"Well you see she, Tenchi's mother that is, was Katsuhito's daughter.   
When we got married she was very weak because" he paused, "well   
she was very weak. She'd tried to use her power or something - I   
never really understood it myself. Anyway, she was looking after   
Tenchi one day. They were sitting in his bedroom and I was making   
dinner-"   
  
Aeka arched an eyebrow.  
  
"What? She was sick! D'you think I'd make my sick wife cook dinner?   
Anyway, they were sitting in her bedroom, I think he was playing with   
Tenchi's bricks because they were scattered round everywhere." Nobuyuki   
choked back a sob, "I just heard a scream, then a crash. When I got to   
Tenchi's room, only Tenchi was left. Katsuhito said something about   
the light hawk wings or something. I don't know-" he broke off and   
buried his head in his hands.  
  
The princess looked at him. This wasn't something she'd expected   
from Nobuyuki and she wasn't certain how to react to it. She spoke slowly, "I think I can guess what happened. I've seen the effects of   
uncontrolled light hawk wings. I can understand what you're going   
through, though."  
  
"You?" Nobuyuki snorted, "What do you know about love?"  
  
Aeka bristled momentarily. Being loving and patient didn't come   
naturally to her and she felt she'd been trying pretty hard. It took her   
a few seconds to bite back her retort. Instead she said, "Actually, I lost   
someone close to me once. I was going to marry Yosho until Jurai was   
attacked. He chased after Ryoko when she was under Kagato's power.   
I searched for him for years afterwards. I thought he was--" somehow   
she couldn't bring herself to say 'dead'. She sniffled and wiped away a   
tear.  
  
'Pull yourself together' she told herself, 'you aren't helping Mr Masaki   
this way.' She smiled awkwardly, unsure what to say.  
  
"Why are you so unhappy about it now?"  
  
"It was her birthday today" he bowed his head, "I guess that sounds   
like a silly thing to get worked up about but, you know how it is when   
you love someone" he smiled wanly.  
  
Aeka returned the smile and picked up the photo frame, "what was her   
name?"  
  
"Achika - that was taken the day I proposed to her" he smiled again,   
but this time he was smiling at the memories, "she was so happy that   
day. Later on she said it was the happiest day of her life. She was   
pretty, don't you think?"  
  
Aeka nodded, "you see? This should be a happy day - a day to   
remember your wife. Not to yell at your son and shut yourself up in an   
office."  
  
"Yes" he nodded, "you're quite right, Aeka. Thanks."  
  
Nobuyuki stood up. He took a look at Achika's photo before putting it   
back on the desk.  
  
"You know" he said as he got ready to leave the study, "you're pretty   
smart for your age."  
  
Aeka grinned, an unusual gesture for the princess that seemed to   
amuse him "well, I am over six hundred years old."  
  
Nobuyuki chuckled, then looked at her "seriously, thanks a lot Aeka.   
Could I erm..." he fidgeted and looked away for a second, then held   
out his arms for a hug.  
  
Aeka blushed. She didn't REALLY want to hug Nobuyuki - surely it was   
enough that she'd comforted him. They weren't taught how to hug on   
Jurai - despite having lady Misaki as a mother, she wasn't used to   
hugging people on impulse. She looked up and sighed, there was   
something about him that made her feel sorry for him. It almost   
reminded her of Tenchi.  
  
Aeka stretched out her arms and hugged Nobuyuki nervously. He, on   
the other hand, grabbed her and nearly squeezed the air out of her. It   
all seemed completely innocent until he moved his hands downwards.  
  
Aeka shrieked and pulled away from Nobuyuki, who was blushing and   
giggling to himself.  
  
"Sorry" he beamed trying to avoid the furious princess' glare, "the   
opportunity was just too good to miss!"  
  
Aeka snarled and reached for the mallet, which had conveniently   
appeared in the air.  
  
Nobuyuki gulped, "you know, I really ought to go. I think I owe Tenchi   
an apology. Well thanks again, Aeka, you've been really helpful." He   
grinned and dashed downstairs.  
  
Aeka fumed quietly, she wondered for a moment if it had been a good   
idea to let Tenchi's father get back to normal. Downstairs he was   
talking to Katsuhito, he was laughing again and was clearly feeling   
better.  
  
It was still her birthday. It just didn't hurt so much to think about it. 


End file.
